My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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