is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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