i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
