I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
