Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
being pregnant is like rehab
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
