Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
