So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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