This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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