You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
