I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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