But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
