we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize