True but thats because hes a fetus.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
