Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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