he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
