not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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