The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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