You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
