I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
