Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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