Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
