I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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