just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
