OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
