lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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