2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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