Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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