smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
