Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
