Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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