I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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