i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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