She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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