her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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