either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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