OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize