Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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