First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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