yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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