While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
