Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
