Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
