I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
