Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
