I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
