Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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