She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
