So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
