I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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