Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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