Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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