the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
