can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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