my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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