just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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