Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
