I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
