I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
