Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
