someone get that fucking seahorse.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
