Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
