K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
