My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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