I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize