i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
