So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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