can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
