You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize