Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
