i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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