She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
