she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
