Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
