I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
